I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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