so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
