I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
