Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
