dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
