do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Everything about him screamed your future.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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