I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
