Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
