Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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