And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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