i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
