I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
