Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
