We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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