Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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