It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
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