Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
