Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
