I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
