Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
