So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
