My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
