I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
