He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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