and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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