You're so nebulous sometimes
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
