i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
