it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His hands were made for my vagina.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
