my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
