so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
