I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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