i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
two words: eviction party
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
