i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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