last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
