ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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