Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
