stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
