I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
