Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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