yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
