Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
