Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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