I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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