I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
