If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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