i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I smell stomach acid.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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