it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
