You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you inspire me to be a worse person
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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