I looked at my own cervix.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm too high and old for this...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
