so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
