He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
