I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
