I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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