The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
