Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
try to milk me bitch
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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