Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
