Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
