Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
