if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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